Mom I don;t like that

I remeber when I was a kid, there were not many clothing stores to choice from.  Going to the mall was an adventure you were lucky to encounter.  Until I was about 10, I never knew someone bought my clothes, i just knew there were clothes in my drawers and in my closets.  The big store I remember frequenting for back to school shopping was Jcpenny's ( Ok I was a kid... there's nothing wrong with going to penny's for clothes, but to me it was huge)

I remember coming home from school and changing like 5 times, it used to drive my Dad insane to see clean clothes all over my floor know they were clean and would most likely make it to the laundry bin to be washed all over again to find there fate back on the floor again.  When I started this i most have been more in like middle School.  The older I got I started to become a little bit picker about the clothes that were picked for me but all in all my did a great job I really didn't complain and didn't offer objections either.  I wore what was bought for me!

Ok I have told you I work in Retail and have for the past years.  I have had some great access to a great discount for clothes for me and now my kids and husband for the past 5 years (since I had kids) .  I have been the one in the house that has always bought the clothes, picked out what everyone is wearing from everyday to special occassions, and yes Easter.  Ok so just to let you know i was a tom boy growing up didn't care about dresses, and all the frill so I didn't think I would also be the mom that had to match my kids and dress them up for the Holiday's.  And if you are that parent, it's ok we have all either done it or been a part of it or has seen some one do it.  The only time this is 100% not ok, not even once, is when the Mom starts to dress, I mean same outfit the exact same.  This is a no way should never happen please go and get checked out, not ok circumstance, Like a hey what check and see if you are a real Parent moment!  Well now that I have gotten a little of tompic back to the point.

When my Oldest son, who will be 5 this June, was 2 he started telling me what he wanted to wear and what dress him self (with a little help).  I suppose I should also let you know the first pair of shoes this child ever had was a pair of Nike Air force one's (thanks auntie Chelle and Uncle Jojo)  and from there that was it.  Until he was three all he wore was Nike's for shoes, he had every pair of Nike shocks I mean every pair and color made.  So maybe I was to fault for the fashionista I now have on my hands.  Well Child who once wore anything started to and still is picky about his clothes.  He actually matches his clothes to his shoes, picks out "handsome" shirts (his words).  Now when I pick clothes for him to put on in the morning he tells me "mom I don't want to wear that, I don't like those..."  I have to now ask him when I bring clothes home if this is something he wants to wear!  I do realize this is ridiculous to ask a 4 year old about clothes, and he should be happy he even gets new clothes, But I also know when I am running late in the morning, this can be a little easier (that's my real parent moment).

Last year for christmas my kids got clothes ( like almost all of us did as kids)  and they were wrapped under the tree in boxes.  When Garrett (the oldest the 4year old) opened his boxes he was so happy "this is what i'm talking about", "I love these shorts", yeah Christmas in Florida you are wearing shorts!  Thats not the best part though.  My Husband stated to throw away the trash, all the bows, ribbon, and wrapping paper, and of course the boxes.  Garrett still had his clothes in the boxes and insisted his clothes still needed to stay in the boxes.  And that is wear they stayed for days.  How many kids do you know that are excited to get clothes for Christmas?  Not many.

My Parents are so awesome and love the fact of grand-kids.  You know the fact that at the end of the day they can send them home.  A Lot of it also stems from the fact that my step dad didn't have any kids and inherited an 18 and 19 year old.  So my kids have been like a chance for him, to go thru parenting small kids. My kids have their own room at Mimi and Papa's, their own clothes their (that I didn't buy) toys out the wazoo, and everything else.  Well about a month ago my mom took Garrett shopping and met my step dad at the mall.  The first stop was to come in and see me working, where I was greeted by a smiling face and a Mommy I want that.  I bought him a pair of flip flops that he had to put on right away.  I always loved going and getting new shoes, and of curse wearing them out and in the box was the old shoes i walked in with that I new would never come back out.  Well they decided to take him to the shoe store wear he picked his own sneakers out and of course a super nice expensive pair, after my mom said their was no way she was spending $70 on a pair of sneakers he was going to out grow in 3 months he picked out the pair he wanted that all parties involved like.  The sales person went to ring them up and out of this sweet little Fashionista he looked up at him and said " Your gonna give me the box too".  He didn't want the box for the flip flops I had just bought him, no he wanted the box so he could put his new sneakers back in box when he took them of for the day, and wear he puts them all the time when he is done.  He whips his shoes off so there is no dirt them, he wants to be carried to the car so no dirt gets even on the bottom of them.

So when you go to pick out that adorable little outfit you just have to see your baby in, just remember it may not last for ever, and you may see your self starring down a 2 year old and battling the clothes that they will wear for the day.  Good luck and always remember it starts young.

have you lost your mind yet?

After your baby has come to meet you in the world, you feel as though you are on cloud 9, (most likely it may be the drugs), The first maybe week being sleeped deprived feels like nothing.  You almost start to think " wow who knew I could be up every 2 hours and still feel so rested?"

Don't worry though by the time week 3 hits and you have started to see how a shower is a luxury and brushing your teeth is something you may get around between running to the bathroom.  And the bathroom break may be something done with company (the baby) .  A hot meal is something you dream about.  Clothes that don't have pee, shit, or puck on them is couture.  That's when you start to realize you need your sleep!  This is a real parent moment,  it's is 100% ok to let someone help you.  It's ok to let that wonderful addition to your family whipper a little and make that pot of coffee.  The best thing about being home all day with that wonderful baby blob is they don;t care if you haven't brushed your teeth and you think fur is starting to grow on them.  And that baby certainly doesn't care if you smell, most likely what ever you smell like was probably projected from them any way!

I know with all three of my kids I still found it hard to balance the pain of knowing if I didn't go to the bathroom soon I was going to pee in my pants, and then I mind as will put a diaper on myself. or should I change the diaper that is so full of poop it may not be papering my baby any more.  Don't feel bad if you decide to pee first, it doesn't make you a bad parent it just makes you a real one!

Ok i know ever one has seen and secretly judge the parents that are all decked out to the nines to go to the grocery store with their hair done heels on makeup on,  Just to let you know that's not a real person that is a stepford wife, and there is no way in heel that is the average person.  Don't get me wrong I do like looking nice and getting up early and making sure my hair looks nice and putting on makeup and making sure my kids look as sweet as a picture.  But I also realize the world will not fall apart if my hair is a little sub-par, that's what they make head bands and hats for.  And if make up isn't on who cares I won't be stoned in public.  And if my kids have stain on their shirt, what ever they did it and I'm sure they would have done the same thing to a shirt that didn't have a stain on it!

of course there's the other kind of parent who has decided they will just go ahead and give up on the world, the mom that has decided track suits are the new best thing, or their jeans now need to be just under their teeth, since they haven't lost the additional baby weight they have put on. I think the last one is my favorite.  I happen to work in retail and in no way think that by having children I need to look like some hot mess that has just crawled out of Michael Jackson's thriller video!  And ever time I have some one look at me and tell me they need a pair of jeans to come up higher so their muffin top doesn't show, all I can think of is the old mom jeans, the pair that are smaller in the waist and are so big in the hips and ass it looks like the Ringling brothers have come to town, the pair that are a little to short and look like a flood may start, at any moment.  Come on women there is no reason in hell to let your self completely loose a sense of some kind of style because you had kids.  I always say " just because I have kids it doesn't mean I'm dead".  And don't worry women there are the dads out there that do the same thing!  The dad that has decided to start wearing a fanny pack, what the hell, leave that ugly thing where it belongs, in the 80's.  And knee high socks the sandals. I still have not figured out who first did that and thought it looked ok!  I suppose it must have either a blind man or someone who has never seen a mirror.  And the best thing is there are men out there that do both ( my best friends dad).

Unfortunately their is nothing out there that will stop you from going a little crazy and loosing your mind, but don't worry little by little it will come back and then the terrible 2's start...

The boob or the bottle thats the real question

So many women out there over the years have contimplated the question of the boob or the bottle?  A lot of women seem to think I will be the best mom ever if i breast feed no bottles or formula for me!  I found my self thinking the same thing when I was pregnant with my first child, and even read articles in Baby talk, about breastfeeding.  There was an article in their I read that was a spoof about breastfeeding, the things people really never told you.  And don't worry I will let you know right now breastfeeding is no walk in the park.

The first thing is Breastfeeding is like feeding a hungry wolf, They will be chaped, cracked, sore and may even start bleeding.  If you really want to know what it is like take a piece of sandpaper rub it real hard on your nibbles, and see what happens! Men it's ok you can try it as well, go ahead and see what it's like, you can share in this moment.  So after you find out how much it hurts, imagine doing this every 2-3 hours. And usually it is hard until 4-6 weeks, then if your Baby goes thru a growth spurt and want more, what do you do.  Pumping is great then you can take a nap and let someone else help you or even take a shower.  The only thing about pumping is it will completly fuck with your head.  You will see maybe 2 oz you pumped and it took 15 min.  But its ok, sometimes that all baby needs.  I have read other online tools out there that offer herbal remedies and tell you to drink morer fluids and watch what you eat.  I still do not think any of it really helps and I know I felt like I was doing something wrong, and I was a bad mom.  Now you may almost dread the fact of trying it, I saw if you want to go for it.  You have been warned and you may be fine.  But if you find your self crying and think there is no way I can do it.  Thats cool, thats why there are companies out there that make formula.

If your a first time mom this can be really tramatizing if no one has ever told you.  Women what is wrong with us, why have we not talked about this with each other.  Think of it this way if you knew someone was going to get mauled by a bear you would stop them and say hey make sure you bring a gun with you there's a Bear up ahead.  But no instead, we would rather let people think it is the best thing and only super mom's can pull it off.  Wrong.  There is no such thing as a super mom, we all work just as hard and smart women go ahead and look at the pro's and con's... More to come Later

Get ready shit happens

The first time you see that little diaper they have for you to put on the Baby for the first time, all i could think, " how tiny".  Well of course they are at first but just wait for it.  The first time that precious little pink baby burrito decides to take that first little dump, its the color of Tar and thick!  the wipes, or paper towels you have to get wet first, are no match for what that baby can put out.  Who would have thought something so small that was being fed through a cord could produce something that nasty.

I would love to tell you it gets better, but I would be lying.  For those of us who have kids and what many people who are about to have kids or want kids will soon find out is there is soemthing even worse ready to come...

All three of my kids have done it, had one of those absolute blow outs... the kind that has not just gone through the diaper and a little on the jammies, oh no that would be a level one on the three level's of morning poo's.  Then there is one that when you pick that smiling little face out of their cribs in the morning looking at you ready to start the day and happy to see you.  Then there is the level three,  this one is the worst and wow get ready for it...  This is the one that as you start to get to he door you already are wondering if the dog is behind you farting, the one that you almost wonder if the diaper genie is over flowing and you have been to sleep deprived to realize just how bad it is, the one that as you open the door you are already thinking what is going on...  Then you open the door and the smell has hit you slapped you right in the face, bit your ear off and spit it out, punched you in the stomach and keeps jumping on your face.  You look in the crib and all you see is SHIT.  It is all over your baby, all over that great bedding you just had to have, all over the impossible to put on bumper, oh yeah and your perfect little precious angel is now cover in poo!

Don't worry if you find your self in this situation all kids have been in it and this will not be the last incidence you will have with poo by the way.  This is the moment in your parenting mind you have to ask your self, " am I a real Parent", The best and easiest thing to do is start the bath bring them right in there and take there clothes off in there.  There is no sense in trying to wipe them off with a baby wipe, you would go through an entire pack of them, in 2 minutes.  Also who wants all that crap getting all over the rest of the clothes that are dirty but not covered in dodo.  After that your baby gets out of the bath and is nice and clean and happy (because most likely they have no idea why you would be upset about this)  Then it's ok to cry a little or want to throw up , if you already haven't,  And get to do the Laundry,  Just keep in mind you can always throw away the nasty shit covered clothes, blankets sheets, and bumpers, and buy new ones.

The best thing I have discovered is the toddler bed in a bag.  It comes with 2 sheets, a pillow case, a nice blanket and all fits on that wonderful crib mattress and isn't outrageously priced.  It's about $40, depending on what design you have chosen, I personally like disney and we have gone threw "The cars", and Tinker Bell.  Thanks Disney for getting me threw some shitty Days 

Nothing is ever that bad

So it may seem as though there is so many things that need to be done right after the initial shock has worn off that you will soon be a parent.  And there is a lot to do so don't get me wrong!  you do have time to stop and think about everything you want to do.  The first thing that probably has already popped in your head is oh my god is it a boy or a girl?  What should I name the baby?  Who will the baby look like?  Don't worry though you have 10 months to figure it out. 

Hopefully with in the first trimester you have not gotten that awful bug they like to call morning sickness (but has a tendencey to last all day), and if you did may god bless you and allow you to not have it the entire 10 months like I did the first time.  Getting out of bed first thing in the morning was like asking a kid to get out of the toy store, it was almost not going to happen.  I love how the doc's tell you to keep some crackers and water next to your bed.  I suppose in a way it was a good thing since that was what usually got me out of bed, to run to the bathroom puking.  There is nothing worse in the world than wanting, craving, longing, for a certain type/kind of food, then eating it and ralphing it right back up.  No food is ever as good coming up as it is going down.  Now men here is your real parent moment: if the mother of your unborn child asks for something no matter what it is, just do the right thing and get it for her.  Keep in mind she is growing a child, an unborn baby that just may look like you, and be named after you.  Or it could be a girl not look anything like you and not named after your grandmother you love so much that always has your favorite ice cream when you see her.  Either way it is a lot of work and a little tiring to grow something inside of you, and that's the reason Women do it and not men.


Ok so know that you have realized you have a sick obsession with food, and there is nothing else you can think of, like what you will be eating for lunch the night before, eating lunch and wondering what is for dinner, it's ok anyone that has been pregnant has been threw it.  The thing not to do is to decide that being pregnant means you can eat what ever when ever and as much as you want.  Just keep in mind however much you eat now is what you will be trying to get off after.  You can eat what you want also keep in mind there is no way the baby wanted the entire bag of oreo's, maybe the pint of ice cream, but not after you ate the entire cake. 


 The thing I loved about being pregnant is all the shopping i got to do.  Clothes, baby blankets, bottles and much more.  There was one thing I hated shopping for was big maternity clothes.  I have come to the conclusion that the person who develops maternity clothes must be men, they are looking at some way of making a joke at how women shop to much for jeans and want them to look like a macy's thanksgiving day float, so maybe they won't buy anything else.  Well men think again there is nothing you throw at us that can stop us from shopping everywhere until that perfect pair of jeans emerges from all the other crap they call clothing.  Just remember just because your pregnant doesn't mean your dead and can't dress like the fab person you are.
 

something the books forgot to tell you

So a lot of the books like to tell you to have a birthing plan right?  well in theory again they are right.  but one thing they forgot to tell you is what if something comes up and your baby has decided they want to hang out in side that nice little diner resort you've created, and you have to have a c-section... in my case that's exactly what happened.  I was in the hospital for 3 days.  Thank god being a girl and over pack even to go to the hospital.

The other thing is also if you have chosen to breast feed they definitely didn't tell you had bad it was gonna be at first.  Imagine taking sand paper rubbing it all over your boobs until they bleed, that's what it feels like.  And the nurses in the hospital and your mom and possibly mother in law they all forgot to mention this.  Thanks for nothing!  there are a few things you can pack to make this a little easier, there are so many companies now that make these really awesome gel boob pads that help with the pain and a lot of the tube sav stuff works well to.  Now here is a real parent moment:  if you think this stuff will heart the baby or their stomach stop right now and think to your self " would they really make something for breastfeeding mothers to go on their boobs that would be Bad?" 

Also something the books forgot was, sleep.  if you think for one minute you will get any sleep while your in the hospital, think again.  The nurses will be in every 2 hours checking on the baby, bringing them to the nursery to get checked out by the pediatrician, and also checking on the status of any pee or poop the baby has produced for you... And god for bid the baby hasn't eaten in 2-3 hours.  Trust me when i saw they will make you get up wake the baby up that just feel asleep to feed them.  Ok another real parent moment, didn't the books and your dr all say sleep when the baby sleeps?  how in the hell are you gonna sleep when every time you turn around you have a new visitor who dying to see the new bundle of joy you have just birthed out, and want to talk to you about how your delivery went and tell you how theirs went. Guess what I don't care didn't ask thanks but please leave me alone, the baby doesn't want you all in their face their a little tramatized as well.  my suggestion is don't tell anyone you are going to the hospital wait a week then tell them.  The moment people know the baby is hear you have just lost everything.  Your opinion is out the window you have just become incompatent of how to do anything, and all people will say to you is.  I'll watch the Baby so you can get some stuff done. 

My question is like what?  do the dishes make food, how about you do that and i will watch my own baby, if i spent 40 weeks (ten months, something else that needs to be rewritten not 9 months) carrying this little poop machine and going through however many hours of labor, I deserve to spend time on the couch holding my baby.  thanks again but no thanks!

a little more about me

I wanted to start by saying Hi I am a mom of 3 kids under the age of 5, and I have found there are so many people who are parents or becoming parents that do not seem to be in touch with reality... so That is the reason I have started this blog. I find my self constantly surrounded by people who think the answer is in the book.  I'm sure at least one of your parents told you at some point in your life "when you were born there was not an instruction manual", wow I always hate to think i'm turning into my parents especially my dad, but were they right. 

I think it is so funny that as soon as people, mainly couples, find out their pregnant (of course dad wants to think he is going through the same thing as we women are) they run out and get the book all of you are thinking of "what to expect when your expecting"  It's all crap or at least most of it is...  If you have more then one child you have already learned there is no 2 the same.  everyone is different.  I think my sister-in-law said it best, "when we got home with (their son) i couldn't believe they let us leave the hospital with a baby!"  My Brother was the one who went and decided he needed to read the books on everything, i was on my 3rd kid and was basically telling me i was wrong about everything I ate drank and did. Ps they are all fine, way above the average for height and weight, developing fine.  Guess what Men if you are not growing the life inside of you, having something kicking you in your bladder, making you eat way more than the guys at coney island eating hot dogs, watching your Boobs and stomach turning into the good year blimp, wondering if you will ever see your girl parts, and you know the girl parts: the ones your even lucky to see anymore, then stay out of it.  The one thing I love about people that don't have kids is they are always the first ones to tell you what to do with your kids!

So as this is my first post I wanted to let you know in no way am I an expert on anything.  I just know there is a better way of doing things then what I am told from a book!